Larry King: Our guest tonight was to have been South Korean vampire huntress Hyung Grace Kwan who this past weekend slew a vampiric wild boar on a central Alberta hog farm. This vampiric wild boar was believed by some authorities (namely fans of the Coast To Coast AM radio program on the Paranormal hosted by George Noory) to have been the one responsible for spreading the H1N1 virus among both pigs and humans. But Hyung couldn't be with us this evening... so instead we have a close friend of Hyung's... the Canadian vampire hunter Dracul Van Helsing...
Dracul Van Helsing: Nice to be here, Larry...
Larry: Perhaps you could tell our audience why Hyung couldn't be with us this evening...
Dracul Van Helsing: Certainly. As you know, North Korea's madman Stalinist despot Kim Jong-il (a term that MIT's emeritus Marxist self-styled synarcho-anarchist windbag and gasbag Noam Chomsky would no doubt find personally offensive) has conducted a major underground atomic test yesterday and a missile launch today. So Hyung has gone home at this time to be with her family, her people and her homeland in this time of impending crisis that's hovering over the Korean peninsula.
Larry: And of course the thoughts and prayers of the American people are with her tonight...
Dracul: I'll pass that message on to Hyung, Larry.
Larry: Thanks Dracul. So who do you think was behind the creation of this vampiric wild boar that was spreading the H1N1 virus?
Dracul: Well despite the fact that it originated in Mexico, the Aztec vampire princess Qonzilqointec swore on an oath to Quetzalcoatl that she wasn't the one behind it. And the millionaire (and formerly billionaire) ancient Egyptian vampire Set in London wasn't behind it. In fact, from what I've heard from various sources, Set's hopes for a financial recovery of his fortunes went down with one of his employee's investments in the Alberta hog industry which went down after an Alberta hog herd was found to have come down with the swine flu now called H1N1 virus...
The millionaire and formerly billionaire ancient Egyptian vampire Set is watching the Larry King Show live via satellite in London.
"How," Set seethed, "did Dracul Van Helsing find out about the state of my financial affairs?".
"There must be a leak somewhere, sir," Athelstan his personal valet and proper English gentleman answered.
"A leak?" Set went ballistic, "And where is Amadeus as we speak?".
"He's taking a piss," Renfield answered.
To be continued.
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