The millionaire (and formerly billionaire) ancient Egyptian vampire Set was reading a prognosis from his doctor on whether taking Prozac would fit with his vampiric metabolism.
The vampire had been feeling rather depressed lately that following the onset of last autumn's global recession, his personal fortune had gone from being a multi-billionaire to being only a mere multi-millionaire.
"May I make a suggestion, sir?" Athelstan his personal valet and proper English gentleman asked.
"Certainly," Set was starting to feel the weight of the world on his shoulders, "Hey, who the Hell put this globe on the back of my neck?".
"Sorry, boss," Amadeus Emanon removed the globe of the world off Set's neck, "I was trying to re-enact that scene from that old Charlie Chaplin movie The Great Dictator that I saw on the Late Show last night."
"Get to hell out of my sitting room, Amadeus!" Set shouted.
"Sir," Athelstan held up his hand motioning Amadeus to sit, "might I suggest Amadeus stay? Remember 4 years ago on Amadeus' first birthday as a clone (Amadeus had been cloned from the DNA from locks of hair of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Alan Rickman and Charles Manson back in 2004), you gave Amadeus a $1 billion dollar gratuity as a birthday present? Telling him to invest the money? Depending on where he invested it, maybe Amadeus can loan you a billion from his portfolio!".
"That's brilliant, Athelstan!" Set smiled for the first time in eternity (well actually it was 5,000 years!), "What did you do with all that money, Amadeus?".
"I bet it all on the hog futures market," Amadeus smiled feeling glad to be of help, "and it's come due this month of this year actually."
"What area of the world did you place this bet on hog futures?" Set suddenly felt his heart palpitating.
"The Canadian province of Alberta," Amadeus pointed to it on the globe.
At that point, the shapeshifting hamster/human Renfield R. Renfield left the room.
He hated to see a grown vampire cry.
To be continued.
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