Renfield Fires A Few Employees

Renfield the chief of Security and Intelligence Gathering for Set Enterprises had called a few people into his office to fire them.

The first employee entered the office.

"I can't believe you called me into work on a statutory holiday," the man said.

"Is today a statutory holiday?" Renfield looked at the man's work record.

"It's Good Friday," the man replied.

"Really?" Renfield didn't bother looking up, "what's so good about it? I didn't win the Football Lottery Pool this week."

"Why am I here?" the man asked.

"This isn't an introductory Philosophy course," Renfield answered, "you've had a lot of sick leave lately."

"I've been sick," the man replied.

"That's no excuse," Renfield said, "you're fired."

"Fired?" the man gulped.

"That's right," Renfield pushed the intercom, "next."

"I'm going to contact the Labour Relations Board," the man waved his finger at Renfield, "those hearings will cost you a lot of money."

"Cancel that next," Renfield spoke into the intercom and looked at the man, "you're going to contact the Labour Relations Board?".

"Yes," the man nodded.

Renfield pulled a gun out of his desk and shot the man dead.

He then pushed another button and the floor opened up under the man's chair dropping him 700 metres below.

The floor then re-appeared.

Renfield pushed another button and a mop came down out of the ceiling and wiped all the blood off the floor.

He then pushed another button and another chair came down out of the ceiling.

"Next," Renfield called into the intercom.

This scenario was then repeated 23 times today.


Renfield found something faulty with the employee's work record. The employee explained the reason. Renfield fired the employee. The employee then said they'd report the matter to the Labour Relations Board. Renfield shot and killed the employee. Renfield pushed button. Employee dropped 700 metres below. Floor re-appeared. Renfield pushed button. Mop came down out of the ceiling and wiped all the blood off the floor. Renfield pushed button. Another chair came down of the ceiling.

"Well, another hard day's work," Renfield grinned after the last fired employee had been shot and killed for the day, "so today is a statutory holiday eh? Better remind the boss to pay me time and a half for working today then."

Renfield picked up the phone, "Susie, I need you to buy more ammunition for my guns. I'll need them again next Monday morning. Thanks."

He put down the phone and then picked it up again and dialled another number, "Zeigfried, I'll need you to bring up a whole bunch of chairs from the basement and put them up on the floor above me. Thanks."

Renfield clicked the receiver and then dialled another number, "Hans, there's a delivery of 24 items to be made to the Fields Park College Medical School Dissection Lab. Tell them the bodies all have gunshot wounds on them but otherwise they're in excellent condition. And remember to get a receipt for the items. Shirley in Accounting needs to know how much to bill the school for at the end of this fiscal quarter. Thanks."

Renfield took a look at the day's newspaper headline, " 'Welsh Vampiress Morgana Lands Major Recording Contract With Aulos Music'. Hm. Wonder what that's about. I'll have to check into it."

Renfield then put on his suit and tie, "Egad! Gun powder burns all over them. I hate it when that happens."

To be continued.