Shakespearian Rapper's Summary

(When you read the poem below, hear it in your mind as the voice of a rapper)



In this same interlude it doth befall
that I one Snout by name present a wall
but alas this isn't my call.

So Van Helsing fans this the way it be
Renfield's cat trick worked successfully
Heathcliff showed him the contract
so the hamster released the cat
and walked out the door
Amadeus followed on the floor.

Now Heathcliff was very upset
but at least he got back his pet.
He gave Vampiress Morgana a call
told her all that doth befall
and Morgana practically hit the wall.

But luckily for me I ducked
while Pyramus and Thisbe f*&@ed
same goes for Drac and the Kathy chic
gawked at by a cabby hick
does the UK think Gordon Brown's a prick?

But hey that isn't my call
that's the UK electorate's ball
back to our story
Heathcliff was sorry
but Morgana said, 'T'aint your fault
now I wish John wasn't Gaunt but Gault
then it would rhyme
while I have a lime
by yonder star
while Romeo makes time.

Now in the U.S. midwest
Hyung was the best
many a vampire failed the test
so their dust was laid to rest
Alas! poor Yorick I knew him well
but he got sent straight to Hell!
His adultery wasn't up to par
and he'll join Tiger's balls in a jar.


Now what about this volcano eh?
making night out of day
spewing ash what you say?
I saw the heads of Apollo and Zeus
formed in that cloud.
my reaction, for cryin' out loud
ancient gods emerge from volcano bed
I must run but my ass is full of lead
now it looks like I'll join the livin' dead.

-A Shakespearian Rapper's Summary
of what has transpired in both my vampire novel
and the world at large
lately


written by Christopher Dracul Van Helsing
on Monday, April 19th, 2010.